1. Empathetic Understanding

Empathy is a natural human condition, which exists on a spectrum and could be described as a 'frame of reference', or the ability to 'view something through someone else’s lens'. Empathy allows you to think about how someone else feels, from their perspective.

Some people are naturally more empathetic than others, or are able to discern non-verbal communication cues better than others, allowing them to reflect more wholistically on a situation. Empathy is a skill that can be learned and practised, and is considered to be a ‘core condition’ for practicing counsellors.

There is a distinct difference between empathy and sympathy. Sympathy recognises how you, yourself, would feel in a given situation. For example, saying something like 'I know exactly how you feel because I had a similar experience' (sympathy), is not the same as saying 'I understand how that must have been difficult for you. Why do you think you felt that way?' (empathy).

This skill is developed by having an empathetic understanding of yourself, learning how to be understanding and thoughtful towards other people’s experiences and perceptions, and how non-verbal communication can also show empathy for example, mirroring someone's body language to make them feel more relaxed.

2. Genuineness / Congruence

Being genuine, or displaying an attitude of honesty and authenticity, is referred to as congruence. This skill can be practiced and improved, and is essential for creating emotional safety and feelings of trust, which can help clients to share more earnestly.

Being in a state of congruence means that your perception of your inner self and your projected self-image are in alignment. This is often referred to as a feeling of being 'grounded', 'centred' or having a 'stable sense of self'.

When a client first comes to see you, they may be in a state of incongruence. If they have been referred to counselling, they may not be aware of why they feel this way. Being genuine and authentic as a talk therapist will also create an environment that models healthy behaviours.

3. Unconditional Positive Regard

It's important to be able to create an environment of emotional safety so someone feels that they are valued for who they are, without fear of criticism or judgement, so they feel enough safety and trust to share their true feelings.

Unconditional positive regard is not the same as unconditional love, and is based on developing a sense of trust and openness with a client, by suspending judgement. This skill is used to help a client develop self-awareness of their own thoughts, feelings and experiences, as well as compassion and empathy for themselves.

5. Questioning

There are two main types of question, open and closed. Closed-ended questions will require a direct yes or no, or short answer. Open-ended questions encourage a longer response, giving someone the opportunity to think about their opinions or feelings and use these to answer.

There are also different types of questioning techniques that can be used to create open and closed questions including:

• Recall questions - asking a simple question that someone can illicit someone to draw on their memory or in information about an event.
• Loaded questions - setting the tone of the answer for a question, for example, asking someone to say what was 'good about that experience?' would naturally make them think about things from a more positive perspective.
• Process questions - a question that would require a longer response which is thought about as a process of information or analysing a situation.
• Rhetorical questions - a statement or observation posed as a question that does not necessarily require an answer.
• Funnelling questions - starting with open questions to engage someone in conversation, moving to more closed questions to gain clarity on their feelings and answers. This can also be achieved the other way around, starting with a closed question to gain information, moving the conversation on to take a deeper level of thought through more open questions.

Being able to apply these methods in how you respond to a question, as well as noticing how other people respond, is used to develop open and honest two-way communication.

6. Paraphrasing

Being able to listen to someone's experience and summarise the key points in your own words, using information a client has provided, helps to reflect on a situation and verify your understanding of how the client might feel (empathetic understanding) about a situation they are facing.

It is not the same as repeating someone's words back to them, but instead, it should be used to show that you have understood and correctly interpreted what a client has said and the feelings they have about it.

A key part of this skill is also taking time to reflect before responding, allowing for an open dialogue to flow and for feelings to be discussed with empathy and understanding.

7. Reflecting

Reflecting on a situation can help you to better understand what has happened, considering your own feelings and perspectives, and the feelings and perspectives of others. A counsellor can show their client they have understood what has been said through reflection.

This is achieved by actively listening, observing non-verbal cues and behaviour, noticing and naming emotions and feelings, and offering a summary of a discussion to reflect on what was said.

Reflection isn't only achieved by listening and paraphrasing, you can also mirror body language to create a sense of safety and comfort, showing you have an understanding of the situation from the client’s perspective. These techniques all help to build rapport with a client and show you are on the same page with empathetic understanding.

8. Summarising

Summarising involves using reflection and paraphrasing to confirm you have listened to their story and feelings, without judgement or criticism.

It can help to identify repeating or common themes or feelings, discuss key points or concerns, and help to identify what could be done next to progress or move on effectively from a situation. It can also be used to discuss behaviours or thoughts to focus on, and is also be a great way to end a conversation.

9. Challenging

Challenging someone to think about a situation they are finding difficult from different perspective is a skill that requires practice and should not be used in the early stages of counselling.

Challenging can be useful to gain clarity on a situation or to address any inconsistencies or conflicting thoughts or feelings. It can also be effective in helping a client to move on from a thought or situation they are ruminating in or are stuck on.

It is one of the harder skills to learn and clients are often in a vulnerable and/or incongruent state so they can be more sensitive to being challenged and may find this confronting.

Final thoughts about core counselling skills

Talk therapists need to create a safe space for clients while also maintaining professional boundaries that protect both parties. This helps to ensure that the therapy remains focused and effective, preventing any potential ethical dilemmas.

In conclusion, the nine distinct skills in talk therapy are not merely techniques but essential components that contribute to the overall effectiveness of the therapeutic process. By mastering these skills, mental health professionals can create a safe and supportive environment that fosters healing, growth, and transformation for their clients.

Search the latest jobs